so i guess this whole story starts off a little bit like this...

there used to be a girl that i was head over heels in love with. i mean, i'd do anything for this girl. if she told me to jump off a cliff, i'd already be giving myself a running start.

the only drawback was that it seemed like i wasn't getting out what i had put into the "relationship" per say. it was like i was putting in 110% of my efforts while she just sat there and did minor things like call once in a while or pass by the house randomly one day. and i guess that was enough for me at that time. little did i know that she was just toying with me like a cheap puppet. little did i know that she was talking to other dudes while i bit my lip for her, at all the opportunities that came my way. stupid, yes, but i am one to keep my promises to the end, regardless of what gets in the way. so long story kinda truncated, she ends up putting my heart through a meat grinder and the rest is history.
~~

little did i know that during that whole time, there was a diamond amidst the rough and the haze of love and infatuation that i had for the other girl. totally blew me away when she revealed to me that she had an interest in me during my love games with the other. the fact that i threw myself into a big hole and forgot to leave a rope to exit angered her very much. for she knew for herself that i was in a bad position and found it unreal that i was dealing with all of that bullshit. there are times where i sit and think to myself, and question, "what would have happened if she flagged me down and smacked me in the head with a large trout?" sure things would be way different, but there's a reason behind everything right? i think i kind of have it figured out. the reason why we're a lot closer now as oppose to before is because i need her the most now, and hopefully she doesn't mind me stickin' around either. she is the epitome of what i dig in a girl, and on top of that, we have a weird connection. and ironic events that pop up that slightly freak me out and slightly leave me in awe.

i want to sing songs to her with my acoustic, even though my voice isn't top notch. i want to watch international lovey dovey flicks with her. i want to chat with her over a cup of hot cocoa (i don't drink coffee). i want to gaze at the stars with her. i want to dance with her, laugh with her, cry with her, and most importantly, be there for her, nothing more, nothing less. cuz i mean, i aint no super hero, nor am i a psychic or a genius. i am just a regular guy filled with these thoghts. i'm mark. and that's as much as i can give to her. my time, ears to listen, a shoulder to lean on, a body to hug, hell maybe even a hand to hold. everything is as simple as that. no disclaimers. just the real thing. no need for extravagant things. i liker her just the way she is, and i'd be stoked if she thinks likewise, but that may be asking for too much. then again, i never ask for much to begin with.

~ maybe she can be my rope and pull me out of this hole for good.

oh yeah, her name's...


i have no shame, i'm not going to keep these thoughts in like i did with eunice. it's time to take a different approach.


June, 30/July 1, 2004

M.P.I.

Well I confess. I hate all the dramatic relationship entries I see in NuTang but yours was different. Its so well written, you made a common story sound so much sweeter. For this you deserve a candy bar.
I'm sorry about the other girl. People can rarely be trusted. I'm glad to hear you found someone nice to support you though.
» AshleyEverhart on 2004-07-20 04:12:23

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